Sunday, May 31, 2015
1. When I was in elementary school, I sliced the thumb on my right hand bad enough that I couldn't use it or my hand because I had to wear a brace until it healed. Since I was in school, and I had class assignments, I ended up learning how to write with my left hand. I was ambidextrous for awhile.
2. When I was seven, I spent the summer in Texas with my grandparents. My brother and I were playing in the desert when suddenly I was attacked, unprovoked, by a black Labrador. The dog caught my lower lip and took me to the ground. I have two scars on either side of my bottom lip as a result of that attack. My grandfather was furious. I remember sleeping in his lap, which was strange because he was a gruff, cranky man. After that incident, he was incredibly protective of me. He tried everything he could to make me feel better, even though there was very little he could do.
3. I love my cats, Mozart and Daisy, but I'm allergic to them. When I found my kitties, my intention was to get them healthy; I took them both to the vet immediately after finding them, afterwards I had planned to find them good homes. I found Mozart at two weeks old and on the verge of death. After nursing him back to health, he had already become attached to me and I had become attached to him; I couldn't fathom giving him away. I found Daisy in the middle of a busy street in a burlap sack. When I got her home and saw how she and Mozart interacted together, I couldn't justify separating them. I take allergy medicine every day so that I can keep them.
4. I loved cartoons growing up, and I loved coloring books, but the coloring books never had the images from the television and those were the images I wanted to color. One day, after a large amount of contemplation intermixed with trial and error, I figured out how to get the images off the television screen and turn them into coloring pages. Later on, my father told me I was essentially creating animation cells. For awhile, I wanted to be an Animator.
5. When I was little, like most girls, I loved Barbie. I loved dressing her up, and while I can never claim to be a great seamstress, I used to take old torn up clothes and use the material to sew her dresses. Barbie is responsible for my love of fashion.
6. On that note, I own a sewing machine, it was a Christmas present from my father, that I never learned how to use. My intention was to learn how to make my own clothes. I was inspired by my grandmother who was always sewing when I would visit her, and my aunt who still sews, but life got in my way and I never had the chance to learn how to use it. It is a goal of mine to take classes and learn to make myself a dress with that machine.
7. I rarely reveal personal details about myself in a conversation unless explicitly asked.
8. When I fall in love with a song, I’ll listen to it on repeat until I get sick of it. It takes awhile for me to get sick of a song.
9. In high school, I used to sell blow pops in class. My father would go to Sam's Club and he would buy me several boxes on each visit. I would take a box to school, and in the middle of class you could find me selling candy. The teachers never seemed to mind. I made quite a bit of money, and the best part, my father paid for the candy and let me keep what I earned from selling it. That is probably where my desire to run my own business stems from.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
What does it mean to be balanced?I feel balanced when I have a handle on the various different elements in my life and I don’t feel that my heart or mind are being pulled too hard in any direction. More often than not, I feel calm, grounded, clear-headed, and motivated. Here are some things I do for myself to help create balance.
1. I savor something small every day. I give myself permission to indulge in something I enjoy every day. I allow myself the pleasure of enjoying the little moments without multitasking, without checking my email, or cleaning up the house. I allow myself some me time. Savoring these small, everyday experiences makes my day a lot happier.
2. I make tiny bits of progress every day. While I know the big picture is incredibly important to my future, I allow myself to forget the big goals for a moment, and instead I focus my attention on a single goal I want to achieve. I commit myself to making a tiny bit of progress every day. Research shows this is the best way to actually achieve your goals.
3. I make it a point to be a little kinder to myself. In general, we are our harshest critics. We defeat ourselves with negative self talk. How many times have you compared yourself to someone else, measured their success against your own, and then berated yourself for not measuring up. Whenever negative thoughts creep into my head, I ask myself, would you talk like this to a friend? If the answer is no, then I drop the thought. I make it a point to treat myself with the same kindness and compassion I give to those I love.
4. I give myself permission to have a bad day. We all have good days and we all have bad days, that is life. Personally, I am a person that tries to fix things because I don't like feeling bad, so when something goes wrong my automatic instinct is to try and make it right, but some bad days can't be made better. It's life, and sometimes things spiral out of control and everything just goes wrong. It happens, your bad day catches up to you, and you’re probably feeling rotten because nothing is going your way. In moments like these, you just have to let it happen, and accept that the day is not going to get any better. You can't fight it, and there is no point in trying. When this happens to me, I give myself permission to have a bad day. I know on days like these that I am not going to get a lot accomplished. I accept that I don't have what is necessary at that time to make things better right away, and well, if the best thing I can do is go curl up in bed and just wait for the day to end, then that is awesome.
5. Sometimes I do less. I have plenty of big home projects that I am planning, but I've also been putting them off because I don't have the time to accomplish them, and that weighs on me. For now, I consider that certain projects are just not something I can do right now. It doesn't mean that I won't get to them, but I have to budget my time wisely in these early stages of my new career. If I'm not working then I'm not making money, and I have to support myself. Doing less than what I'd like to be doing doesn’t make me lazy, it makes me a better caretaker of me.
6. I need to move a little slower. Sometimes, I feel like I'm hurrying through life instead of living it, and I know that that is partly because I haven't taken much time off. When I quit my job, I knew I was committing to what I am doing now, freelance work. I am grateful for the opportunities that I have found on-line, but I need to find a balance. There needs to be a day, at least once a week, when I move slower. Instead of my usual early morning ritual of going on-line to check emails and get started with writing assignments, I could take an early morning walk followed by a crazy-paced getting ready for work routine. I could wake up a little later, take a slower paced walk, and then actually sit down for breakfast without checking my email.
7. I need to keep a what “I’ve done list”. I focus a great deal on what needs to get done. Instead of always focusing on what I need to do, I need to start taking the time to appreciate what I have accomplished. I understand that growth is essential, and when you are talking in terms of money, focus is imperative to success. I constantly generate an income every day on-line and that has everything to due with past accomplishments. Sometimes I forget that I have already taken plenty of steps that contributed towards my growth and progress. I need to start giving myself some credit. I need to take a moment to pause, reflect, and really appreciate what I’ve done, what I've learned, and what I've experienced as I continue to move through the year.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
I've come to the conclusion that we tend to look at the things that aren’t in our control and let those things affect our lives seldom realizing that happiness and inspiration lie in the simple things that we often take for granted. For me, I've compiled a list made up of those little moments of joy.
Ready? Let’s go.
1. The glorious smell of rain in the air on a stormy day.
2. Receiving unsolicited help in the most unexpected ways.
3. The wistful longings of a heart in love.
4. Hearing expressions of undying love from someone who means something to you.
5. Hearing the soulful sounds of music that speaks to you and goes straight to your heart.
6. Experiencing the beating of your strong, healthy heart, reminding you that you survived, a long, hard sweaty workout.
7. The touch of someone you share a special bond with.
8. The boisterous laughter you experience when you’re having the time of your life with great friends.
9. Getting out of bed in the wee hours to witness the promise of a new day while watching a beautiful sunrise.
10. Witnessing the genius of writers who create bodies of work and in each work they create magic with their words.
11. The excitement in the eyes of your pet when they realize you've come home, because those few hours were an eternity for them.
12. The joy of reconnecting with friends you once thought were long lost.
13. Seeing someone you love succeed in life.
14. A brilliant blue sky.
15. The work of photographers who produce incredible images, art through their sight, that speaks to your soul.
16. Savoring, almost greedily, the creamy, sweet delicious taste of rich chocolate.
17. The wonderful aroma of fresh baked bread filling the entirety of your home.
18. The safe feeling of being enveloped tightly in the arms of your loved one.
19. The freedom of knowing that you can achieve anything in your life if you work hard enough for it.
20. The passion and pride you feel when sharing your wisdom and knowledge with others.
21. The pleasure of feeling the warmth of the sun's rays on your face or the flow of the wind as it tangles through your hair.
22. The blessed feelings of both honor and love that you get when you realize you were able to help someone in less fortunate circumstances.
23. Seeing the beauty of white, white snow glistening in the sun.
24. Experiencing the warmth streaming through your body when drinking hot chocolate on an ice-cold day.
25. The wonderment of exploring and experiencing never before this moment worlds, seeing new places, and living briefly within new cultures.
26. Watching the pitch black night sky fill up with brilliant little dotted stars across its massive infinity; a moon creates a sky that puts both life and the world into perspective.
27. Seeing the innocence in a toddler’s eyes.
28. Experiencing trust with true friends.
29. The awe-inspiring performances of world-class athletes.
30. Listening to the beautiful melodious sounds of musical geniuses.
31. Your growth and evolution as a person throughout the entire course of your life.
32. The aromatic smell of freshly bloomed flowers.
33. The powerful realization that your potential in life is limitless.
34. The accomplished feeling of learning to speak a language that is not native to you.
35. Tuning into the miraculous workings of our bodies, and discovering that our body can achieve things we didn’t realize it to be capable of.
36. The luscious green of freshly grown grass.
37. Falling into the comfort of a warm, cozy bed after a long and hard day.
38. The refreshing feeling of putting on freshly washed clothes.
39. Experiencing the humbling feeling of watching, witnessing, and knowing your family and your friends have your back.
40. The empowering feeling of pulling yourself out of a crisis.
41. Spending an entire day snuggled cozy in your bed with breakfast and a captivating book.
42. The immense joy felt when a small child's eyes light up the moment they see you, and they run to you, jumping into your arms, excited for hugs and showered attention.
43. The first beautiful blossoms of spring after a long, cold harsh winter.
44. The first signs of fall after a brutally hot summer.
45. The breathtaking view out of an airplane’s window.
46. Witnessing the genuine love between two people as they promise to stay together for the rest of their lives.
47. Finally figuring out what you’re truly hungry for in life, and then following that dream.
48. Giving to others without expectations and experiencing their joy.
49. Seeing ordinary people change the course of humanity.
50. Listening to the wealth of wisdom shared by your elders.
51. A cold shower on a brutally hot summer day.
52. The overwhelming feeling of seeing the vastness of the Grand Canyon for the very first time.
53. The graceful and elegant flow of ballet dancers floating across the stage in perfect sync with each other.
54. Falling in love with and accepting yourself, flaws and all.
55. Coming home after having been away for awhile.
56. The realization that life, after all, is immeasurably valuable.
What are your reasons to love and fiercely embrace life?
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
I have been working my way through notebooks, piecing together fragments of stories. While I make money from the content I write on-line for others, my dream is to write short stories and novels. I have many outlines siting in random notebooks; I also have dialogue, descriptors, rough drafts, and skeletons of stories waiting to be filled in and placed somewhere. Unfortunately, everything I have ever written has been placed in multiple notebooks, fragments of stories are spread across numerous pages. I am trying to determine my mindset when I was outlining each story so that I can determine where each fragment belongs.
What I've Been Reading:
I've been reading my own stories, refreshing my mind, and reintroducing myself to my non-technical writing style. I've also started pulling books from my library and have been skimming over them. I am a fan of Nora Roberts, her books are sitting on my desk right now. I also have open fitness magazines scattered about. Jewelry reference guides, a dictionary, and a thesaurus, are also haphazardly strewn about. I am sitting around piles and piles of notebooks, magazines, reference materials, and books. I'm working on developing niches to write in. I have extensive experience in fitness, jewelry, and drink mixing. It makes sense for me to focus my attention on those areas. I've also contemplated book reviews since reading is a hobby.
What I've Been Watching:
I have been listening to The Big Bang Theory since I don't really find much time to watch television. I am also watching/listening to re-runs of Friends, Smallville, Law and Order SVU, and music videos. What others don't understand about my watching habits – the things I watch are for the betterment of my storytelling. When I'm watching television or videos, I'm looking for things: mannerisms, dialogue, how individuals interact with each other and then I use those visuals to help me describe situations that I'm writing about. Television for me is not for enjoyment, it's research.
What I've Been Listening To:
What haven't I been listening to? That is a better question. I have a radio on at all times. I am always listening to a mix of something. Music is my enjoyment. It is so easy to inject into my day with no interference.
What Have I Challenged Myself To Do:
I've been consistent with my running, with the exception of a few days of rain which pretty much ruined my chances of running outside. I've started lifting with the free-weights I have here at home. I do standard crunches. I've been implementing stretch/yoga breaks to alleviate stress on my back from sitting too much. This level of fitness is normal for me. The exercises I am actually doing are tame in comparison to the exercises I've done in the past. I have always lifted heavy, and for a long time I was seriously considering fitness as a career (I even went to school to study it). From my twenties to my late thirties, you could find me in the weight room seven days a week, usually working with the boys. I was never one for excuses, unless I was sick, I could be found in a gym. So what then is my challenge? I've been working on handstands every single day, ten sets held for ninety seconds each. While it is a total body workout, handstands are an intense upper body workout. My weakest area, fitness wise, is my upper body; I am working to change that. I need to develop my triceps and biceps. Handstands have actually done wonders for the stiff back issue I've been plagued with since starting a job that requires me to sit at a computer all day. I am also forcing myself to do push ups. We all have that exercise we hate, push ups are my bane. It hasn't been comfortable, I am sore and swollen, but I still do them.
What I've Been Eating:
While I do have favorite foods, and I can guarantee the majority of what I eat isn't the best for me, I've been really focused on my veggie intake. I love vegetables, but I don't eat near enough, and that's not good for me. I still eat all the bad for me foods (hamburgers and french fries, never going to give those up), but I make sure to incorporate good for me foods so that my diet remains balanced.
What I'm Planning:
I am in need of a vacation, therefore I am planning to take a trip in the near future. It's been awhile since my last trip (November to be exact) and I'm getting anxious. It's very common for me to get into these moods, and I feel like I just need to go. I have the travelers bug. I'm ready to get on a plane and go, but I worry about leaving for an undisclosed amount of time. I'll be away from the resource I use to make money, and I am building a business that relies on my being present. I understand that I can take a notebook with me, that I can jot down notes in spare moments; but I have obligations and responsibilities, and I don't want to waste a lot of money going somewhere if it doesn't benefit me.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
In life, timing is everything. Patience is a virtue. When you are working toward a goal, you need to align your sight with the process and progress you make, and not let yourself get hung up on the results. The greatest accomplishments in life are usually the result of a whole lot of patience and never ending practice. When observing your progress you need to ask yourself: are the things that you are working toward slowly but surely moving you in the right direction? You need to learn when to act and when to stand still and observe. If you see no progress after you've taken action then you need to adjust your vision and find the things that will actually get you closer to your goals. Stay alert for signs that something could potentially go wrong and when opportunities are presented take them. If you open your mind and free it from doubt and fear; your mind will show you what it is you wish to do and you just may learn how to do it. In life timing is everything, and everything in time.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
I have had a weird day today. It was kind of an emotional day, but not really. In general, I experience more happy times than sad ones, but sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with sad moments and memories that randomly creep into my thoughts. In these moments, it is like I am struggling to find my way through a heavy fog, and instead of finding a way through it, I end up lost in it. When you are caught in a fog of memories, you are feeling them, usually in great detail. It is not always pleasant reliving a moment, especially when you thought you had locked those moments away in the past.
Usually, when old memories pay me a visit, I let myself entertain them. I never take them too seriously, but I allow myself to feel them. I write these thoughts off as an imbalance, because that is exactly what they are. Sometimes, it is good to just let yourself feel what you need to feel, because memories come up for a reason. When I am done feeling whatever it is I need to feel; I let those moments go, and I stop dwelling.
As the wind picked up this afternoon (we had some fierce wind), I got this incredible sense that something new and crisp was blowing in, which also meant that something old and stale was blowing out. I willed that whatever dark cloud was hanging over me would blow out with it, because I am ready for the new. I am thankful for the seasons, and for the changes in life! I am grateful that nothing ever stays the same—that we don’t stay the same. I embrace the seasons, and I never compare whatever is going on in my season to what is going on in someone else’s. Their seasons change as well. They have their moments and their memories, and maybe we're just seeing the facade of what they want to portray to the world.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
I wonder, when I am writing, what it would be like to be the characters in the stories I have created. I wonder what it would be like to live outlandish lives, to go on incredible adventures, to see amazing things, with no concept that I live in a different type of reality because in that moment it would be my reality. I wonder what it's like to create and feel magic. I am aware that the pen is magic and so is the imagination, but I wonder about the experience.
I hear in the near distance the low rolling rumble of thunder. I hear the sound of a low blowing wind, howling incessantly into the vast desert that surrounds me. I hear the tiny little splash patterings of an inconsistent rain against a clear glass window.
I see sharp brilliant flashes of lightning illuminating the darkened desert in random patches and patterns.
I want what I can't talk about. To talk about what one wants brings unwanted interference; unwarranted solicitations of advice into situations that are of no business to the outside observer.
That is why I remain creative and focused.
I pretend that I am okay with the way people have behaved toward me. That it was okay to force me to give up my life's dream because it made them feel better about theirs.
I feel gratitude toward wonderful blessings, because when I fell those blessings caught me.
I touch my keyboard, feeling every word as I create all the worlds inside my imagination and bring them to life on a computer screen.
I worry that I'll have to give up my dream a second time, a third, a fourth...
I cry because certain moments have passed forever, certain memories were never created. Friendships were never forged. No connections, no bonds, it's as if certain moments in my life never existed. I've experienced too much time in limbo with no clear understanding as to what it is/was that I am/was waiting for. In those moments I have felt neglected, belittled, abused, and forgotten.
I am creative and focused because I need to be.
I understand moments in time, reflections of memories, wishes and dreams, and empty promises.
I say keep the memories that make me smile. I don't let unhappiness dictate my life.
I dream of many wonderful things. I keep those dreams inside me where they can't be stolen. I create in a place that is private.
I try to see all the good around me, the positives to balance the negatives. I'm not perfect. Even I have heart-wrenching moments that create unpleasant thoughts.
I hope that the thing I don't speak of happens someday. Coins in a piggy bank...
Until then, I remain creative and focused.
This weeks weather - heavy cloud coverage.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
If you really knew me…
You’d know I have hazel eyes. You'd also know my eyes change colors based on my mood and/or lighting. My eyes are often mistaken for brown, but if you actually looked at them you'd see a whole lot of green. When they are green, it's usually a bad sign. The green dominates when I'm sad or angry.
You’d know I love the rain. I love the way the air smells when it rains. I find the sound of rain soothing. I sleep best when it's raining.
You’d know I’m afraid of scorpions. I scream bloody murder when I see one. They give me the heebie-jeebies. I jump on counter tops and throw things until someone kills it. I get the creepy crawly feeling, like one is crawling on me, after I've seen one. It takes awhile for me to get over it.
You’d know I love my cats. I have two, Mozart and Daisy. I rescued both, and had no intentions of keeping either. I knew the moment I named them, I was keeping them. They are my babies.
On that note, you’d know I talk to my cats, and they come to me by name. I give them little kitty kisses on their noses and the tops of their heads every day. I also yell at them when they bring me lizards, and ground them for a week.
You’d know I love positive quotes and Words of Affirmation. The best thing anyone can do for me is say (or better yet, write) something loving, encouraging, uplifting, or nice to me. Yep. I love happy positive wise words. Love ‘em.
You’d know I don't drink coffee, but I do like soda. Soda is where I get my caffeine fix. I drink one can a day, usually. I know it's not good for me, but I just can't stop!
You’d know every year, for one month, I give up all sweets (sodas included). This is an incredible feat because I am addicted to sweets. I have a ginormous sweet tooth.
You’d know I hate watching romance movies, especially the over the top lovey-dovey ones. I refuse to watch them because the pace is too slow. I get bored easily. Movies, in general, do not hold my interest. If I watch them, I need humor and a screen full of explosions.
On that note, you’d know I hated the movie Titanic. Thirty minutes in, I was rooting for the iceberg. Sink the ship already... that movie made me want to bang my head against a wall.
You’d know I love to read. You'd also know I love to write. I tend to gravitate heaviest toward suspense and mystery. I love writing fantasy. I also read and write fan-fiction.
You’d know I listen to music every day. I can not live without music. I'm not genre specific. When it comes to my musical tastes, I'm very open-minded, but a large part of my day is metal and eighties hair bands. I listen to all things Def Leppard. Gary Allan is my country man of choice. I absolutely love Matchbox 20/Rob Thomas. This is my thinking music.
You’d know I have to sleep with at least one foot outside the covers… sometimes both. I can not sleep with socks on. I don't like my feet covered because I get too hot.
On that note, you’d know when I am in a relationship, and sharing a bed, one of my feet has to touch his while I sleep. I don't like to feel crowded when I sleep, but I like the security of knowing he's there.
You'd know that when Christmas comes around, I like to go for drives around the neighborhoods and look at the lights. It reminds me of my childhood. During the Christmas season my father would take us for long drives. We'd eat fast food and look at all the different decorations and colorful lights.
On that note, you’d know my father also used to take us to the overlooks when we lived in Vegas. We would park and we would watch the lights of the city slowly come to life as the sun went down. Because of this, I have a love of rainbow colored lights.
You’d know I love the stars. I can lay out underneath them for hours. I make wishes on falling stars. I actively search out planets when I know they are visible to the naked eye. I have observed both Halley's comet and Comet Hale–Bopp. I've gotten out of bed at three in the morning to witness the space shuttle's reentry. Do you remember when the space shuttle landed at White Sands? I do.
And… I guess that is it for now. It was fun to come up with things that only those closest to you would know. You should try it! :)