Sunday, March 27, 2016

Bluey and the Great Spirit Moon

Looking back at entries I placed in a journal many years ago - even recent thoughts from months, weeks, or even days ago - I feel disconnected from the person I was then. Grief has a way of doing that to a person. It has a way of making you think, relive moments which furthers the pain of what is being dealt with.

Pain has a way of turning man into monster, hurt by words real and imagined.

In this existence we are but temporary beings, pieces of time made up of moments and memories. We are the beat of a heart, the sound of a breath, diminutive echoes in an infinite universe.

We are in constant states of challenge and change. Our cells die. Our DNA weakens. Our minds change like seasons. We grow old. We grow fragile.

We hunger for more. We seek out people to share deep connections with. Friends to hold close. Lovers to love. People to understand. Love makes us whole.

When a person feels love ripped from them, whether it be from the death of a loved one or being spurned by a person they love, it can cause a person to act in ways they wouldn't normally act. Some people react violently. Some go through phases of anger. Some are so grief-stricken that they have to be watched to make sure they don't hurt themselves. Some move on, but they carry the image of their loved one in their heart and mind. There are many levels to love, it's an emotion expressed differently from person to person.

Monday, March 7, 2016

She is Light and Sunshine

1. I don't really have many traditions. There are things I grew up doing, but, since I never had children, I never really carried those traditions into my adult life. I am about to spend a week in a house, on vacation with my family, and it's going to feel very much like the times we spent growing up together.

2. I am a rather sassy and sarcastic person. I tend to be a quiet observer when you first meet me, but I actually have a fun-loving playful side. You have to get to know me to get to that side of my personality. I'm shy, but not really shy. Working in the customer service industry has taught me how to approach a person and engage in conversation, but even I have my limits as to how much I want to talk and how friendly I want to be. I am an introvert, and that is part of my personality. Still, I do love people, and I enjoy the conversations I have with people I meet.

3. I am very protective of my time because I do have to budget it for multiple writing projects, but I’m also very flexible with time and can make spur of the moment plans and adapt accordingly. I don't always have to work to a schedule. I can take time out of my day to socialize with friends and family. I take vacations. I exercise. I still have me time, but, when things have to get done, and I am running on a tight deadline, I do block the world out and focus on the project that is in front of me.

4. I like to gather information, do research for writing, but I also find it to be a tedious part of the job I do. I enjoy the learning experience, but I feel like research takes up too much of my day. I am willing to find new and better ways to accomplish tasks, shortcuts that help me finish my jobs at a quicker pace, but I am not willing to sacrifice the quality of my work.

5. I try things that are physically demanding of me and my body. I've studied judo. I took rock climbing classes. I've done kick boxing. I love yoga. I enjoy running. I lift weights. When it comes to physical fitness and the newest trends, I am willing to try out what is new, and review the results. That is how I got into Market Research, and what led me to study fitness in college. I am certified, and can work as a personal trainer. 
6. I am a huge softie. I am a lovable person with a friendly personality, but I do have a serious side that people often mistake as being withdrawn. When I am in a zone, I don't like to be bothered, but that doesn't mean I can't be bothered. I am actually quite approachable and easy to deal with. I take my job seriously and sometimes that means I take a longer time responding to comments, text messages, or answering phone calls. It's not personal. If I am in that kind of zone, it's because I am working on a job that pays the bills. That job becomes my priority.

7. I will be out of town all of next week dealing with an incredibly personal situation (I am healthy, but someone I am close to is incredibly ill). That may delay posting on this blog, not only for next week, but the week that follows. It may also interfere with my look of the day that I post to lookbook sites. My disappearance will not be permanent, but I may need some time to process the severity of the situation. When I get back, I will also have to make up for lost work. I am going to do my best to not stay away too long.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Kindness is a Magical Spell Meant to Enchant Hearts

I’ve been putting myself out there on the internet for awhile now, and I could probably spend the next couple of years writing lists of things that most people don’t know about me, pulling from the deepest parts of my soul to show you all what it is that forms my personality. I can give everyone clues as to who I am as a person, but that would only be a part of the puzzle that is me. It's the internet, and regardless of how much I share, only a portion of my personality can truly be seen. Hiding behind a computer, you can't see my mannerisms. You can't see the way I smile, or how I flirt without actually seeing me. Unless you know me, you don't know the way I move or how I carry myself around people. You don't know how I stop and listen while others talk. You don't see my willingness to help, or the sacrifices I make so others can be happy. You don't see my playfulness. You don't see my spirit. You don't know my voice because you can't hear it.

I’m a tomboy. I'm a nerd. I'm a geek. I've told everyone this, several times already. You may not get that impression of me by looking at my pictures. I wear feminine dresses with pretty prints, high heels, put on make-up, and curl my hair. I wear leather, lace, and boots.
I prefer ordering pizza and playing video games over going out to dinner or dancing. I collect comic books. I collect regular books. I don't like make-up. I am not fond of wearing it. I prefer my hair to stay in its natural state, but I style it for the sake of fashion blogging (or when I go out). I've always been more of a hands-in-the-dirt girl than a pinkies-out person.

The point is, the internet only gives you a few pieces of a puzzle. You can take a picture and a few carefully crafted words and create an image of who you think I am, but it's not the whole image. You miss elements of a person when you deal with someone exclusively on-line.