Thursday, November 19, 2015

My Heart is Like an Unfinished Puzzle, Always Missing Love

Why do I write?

I write all the time.

I don't always write stories. Sometimes I write articles that have nothing to do with the fantasy worlds that I have created in my head. I write to make a living. I write because it gives me the feeling that I am creating art.

I write to communicate, to express my feelings, to get my emotions out, to make sense of my thoughts, to clarify what I'm thinking, and sometimes I even share those thoughts with the world as a way for the world to get to know me.

I write because it's an escape from reality. It's a place where things that cannot exist, do. Writing is a place where unicorns and mermaids are real, and realms are within my control. I write to experience adventures, to explore worlds, to see that which cannot be seen. I write because I favor painting pictures with words.

I write because my mind wanders between daydreams and the dreams that come from sleep, and I feel like these stories that are haunting me, need to be told. I identify with the characters, they become an extension of me, the plots become real, and I start to feel attached. I develop emotions, real feelings, from bringing those who are imagined to life. It's part of the creative process. It becomes imperative to get those stories and characters out of my brain, and onto the computer where I can see them so I don't forget them. Once I've developed my characters, given them personalities, names, quirks, and flaws; created their stories - it's fun to revisit them to see how they've evolved through my writing.

I write because of the things I feel. These invisible tendrils called love, that bind us to one another such that we do the most beautiful and horrible things. Our grandest moments of giving and sacrifice and our lowest desires of taking and hurting. They together rise before me like a brilliant and destructive sea. Golden arms of loyalty embracing that sick-green creature that jealously covets. Because often I feel nothing in the achievements of men and feel everything in the eyes of a broken and battered animal.

I write because of things that I must know and the things that I do know. I write to understand. I want to delve into the depths of my soul, to explore my deepest secrets. To rise and soar above the things I keep buried. To celebrate glory. To witness beauty. To reveal great horrors. To understand pain and sadness. To capture both the extraordinary and the mundane. To examine possibilities and to explore the impossible. To contemplate this world as it is and as it might be. To hold, for just one moment, these ideas and then to release them upon the page.

I write because I love reading.

I write because it gives me a sense of pride to create something I care about. To build something from nothing and watch the story grow.

I write because it makes me happy. I love the power of words. I find it awakens a part of me to learn that my words have touched someone's heart and mind. It gives me great pleasure to know my words can make a person laugh, cry, bring out the anger, tame the beast, because the power of words have the ability to stir the emotions we hold deep inside.

I write because words have the power to help me fall in love. When I write, I feel everything deeply.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Expect the Most Wonderful Things to Happen

I'm the type of person who doesn't like to be pushed around by my problems. We all have them. Some of them we can escape and some of them we can't. We can't always ignore our problems, but we don't need to constantly dwell on them, thereby creating unnecessary stress for ourselves. Personally, I prefer to be led by my dreams. That doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge that I have problems, but I don't let them take center stage in my life. Instead of dwelling on problems, I prefer to work toward building a dream.
In order to live the life I want to live I have to work hard. I have to be dedicated to my passion. It takes time to build a legacy. In life, we all have to make decisions as to what we want, decide what we are willing to sacrifice to achieve our dreams, and then we have to act on them, but that doesn't always mean that want is something we will achieve. But by not taking action we have automatically doomed ourselves to failure. I believe everyone should take some form of action, make mistakes, fall, and try again. Even if you fall a thousand times, at least you won’t be left wondering what could have been. At least you will know in your heart that you gave your dreams your best shot.
Everyone of us has a passion in our hearts burning for something. It’s our responsibility to discover what it is that lights our inner fire, and keep that fire lit. This is your life, and you only get one chance to live it. Don’t let others extinguish your flame. Try what you want to try. Go where you want to go. Follow your own intuition. Dream with your eyes open until you know exactly what that dream looks like. Then do at least one thing every day to make that dream a reality.
As you work towards achieving your goals, remember, you can count on there being some fairly substantial obstacles - as well as disappointments - along the way. Don’t let yourself get discouraged. Realize that the road to your dreams may not be an easy one to travel. Look at those disappointments as challenges – tests of persistence and courage. At the end of the road, more often than not, we regret what we didn’t do far more than what we did.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Flowers Whisper "Beauty!" to the World

A- Age: 40. Honestly, I don't feel my age. I have enough people flabbergasted when I tell them how old I am, and they always comment on how much younger I look than my actual age, that my age has never been a subject I think about.

B- Biggest fear: I don't really care to dwell on fears. I think that's counterproductive. I'll give you my superficial fears – scorpions (those little creatures creep me out) and porcelain dolls – and leave it at that.

C- Current time: 10:30pm

D- Drink you last had: Sweet ice tea and water. I have a large glass of each on my desk, and have been alternating between both.

E- Every day starts with: Two cats meowing to wake me up, followed by a morning run.

F- Favorite song: Matchbox Twenty – Back to Good

G- Ghosts, are they real?: There is no solid proof that they are not. I don't see any valid reason to not believe in their existence.

H- Hometown: I call myself a child of the desert. I never really had a hometown, Texas would be the most identifiable state for me. We moved around to accommodate my father's job so I don't really feel connected to any one area.  Every place I have ever lived in has been a desert. Hence, child of the desert.

I- In love with: Well, I could start with 'There is this guy', but I think I'm going to avoid that scenario. I could say life in general. I could say I'm in love with creating worlds through my writing. This is a complex question, and I could come up with many answers, but I'm not going to.    

J- Jealous of: Nothing really. I sometimes find myself envious of someone's talent: dancing, musical - that sort of thing – but I've never really been jealous of anything specific.

K- Killed someone?: In real life, no. In the stories I write, yes. I write mystery, and storyline often dictates a character being killed off in order to move the story forward.

L- Last time you cried?: Monday night. I came back from vacation and my nephew, whom I call my shadow, cried when I left. It was a heartbreaking moment. He had to be reassured that I would be back next year. Still, it was hard to leave him.

M- Middle name: Kay

N- Number of siblings: Three biological. Growing up, my father allowed a girl named Amber to live with us when her mother was unable to care for her. In an arrangement that was made between my father and her mother, she lived with us until her mother was able to get herself clean and provide a stable home for her child. She's basically an adopted sister. I have two female best friends, both I consider sisters. I also gained a few step siblings after my father remarried.

O- One wish: Peaceful coexistence on this planet. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just get along.

P- Person you last called: I'm not exactly a telephone person. I would say either my baby sister or my roommate. Usually I'm the person being called, not the person making the call.

Q- Question you're always asked: What have you written? Where can I read it? I used to post my stories on-line and have since removed them after realizing that sites gain monetarily for content I produce, but do not pay me for that content. For now, my writing can be found here on this blog. That will change in the future.

R- Reason to smile: I'm doing what I love right now. That's enough of a reason to smile. I'm still breathing. My family and my friends make me smile. Two little kitty cats that think I'm their mommy. I have a multitude of reasons to smile.

S- Song last sang: Bon Jovi – Living on a Prayer. It just played on Pandora.

T- Time you woke up: 7am

U- Underwear color: Blue

V- Vacation destination: If you are talking latest travels, then that would be Texas.  If you are talking dream destinations, then that would be Egypt. I'm fascinated by the pyramids and the history that surrounds them. I would love to explore them. 

W- Worst habit: Leaving my closet light on. Not calling friends and family more often. Tuning everyone out when I am writing. To be fair: when I'm writing, I'm working. My friends and family always want to talk to me when I'm in the middle of writing a scene, and I can't always afford the disruption. When I'm in a writing flow, I'm in my zone. My closet light is usually left on in a scramble to get ready for a look of the day picture. Since I'm racing against the sun, I don't always think about turning the light off.

Y- Your favorite food: Hamburger and fries.

X- X-Rays you've had: When I first started working I was helping to build furniture for display and a 300 pound piece fell on my left foot. It did a good job of bruising it, but fortunately did not break it. 

When I was heavy into weightlifting, the safety clamp on the bench I was using broke as I was pulling weight plates off the bar. The bar tilted, and the weights came down heavy on my right hand. My hand survived the assault, but my thumb was fractured. I had to wear a brace until it healed.

While running the Montano trail (along the river), a mountain biker – who was training for a triathlon - hit me from behind. His head was down and he wasn't paying attention. The impact of the hit sent me into the rocks. By the time the ambulance finally got to me, my hair was completely saturated with blood, as was the side of my face, from a wound that was profusely bleeding from the top of my head. I was also bleeding from a wound on my elbow. X-rays showed no fractures, but I did require stitches for both.

Z- Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Believe in Your Ability to Create the Future

At the end of each day, when I finish up whatever task it is that I'm working on, I take moments to reflect on what my actual dreams and goals are. Anyone who knows me knows I am working towards my passion as a writer, but that is not always an easy journey, and sometimes I get discouraged. While in this state of reflection, I ask myself every night: what one message does your future self have for you? Although each night my inner responses vary, it all comes back to being comfortable where I am at this moment on the journey through life.

At this moment I am getting ready to go visit my sister. What that means is I will be away from this blog for close to two weeks. I plan to write while I am gone, but this blog will not be updated, nor will any of my fashion pages, until I return home. My twitter page will see a few updates, but majority of my time will be spent visiting with my family.

I'll see everyone soon.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

May My Soul Radiate Light and Love

They say happiness is a choice; I do believe that to an extent, and I also believe that we all deserve to be happy.  Life is short.  Who wants to waste their lives being miserable when you can find ways to make yourself happy.  There are those who say that at any moment in our lives, we can change our mindset and choose to be happy, but that is not always true; ask the homeless guy who hasn't eaten in three days if he can find happiness in his current situation.  There are circumstances that a changed mindset won't cure. Tragedy, grief – there are certain situations that are a process.  You have to go through the emotions until you get to a place of acceptance.  It's not always easy, but life isn't easy either.  We all have our emotional demons, and we all have to deal with them. 

When times get hard for me, I look at the things I do have that make me happy.  It's not a cure for all that ails you, but looking at the good things you do have can give you a better perspective. 

Here are a few things that make me happy:

1. The two little fur-balls of joy I call Mozart and Daisy.  My two kitties show me unconditional love and affection.  Sometimes they cling to me, and that can get annoying when I'm trying to accomplish something, but at the same time they just want to be close to me, and that makes me feel loved.

2. Having a sense of purpose in life makes me extremely happy.  I need to do something that makes me feel good about who I am, and what I'm doing in life.  It's not about how much money I can make, although I am keenly aware of how my path could progress if I stay focused, I want my work to be something I'm proud of.

3. Having a family that loves me no matter what and knowing they will be there for me when I need them.  I probably don't tell my siblings enough just how much I love them.  Being that our upbringing was more reclusive than most, we really were each other's best-friends for the earliest parts of our childhood.  I have a hermit inside me – reclusive upbringing – and we all have our own lives which means I don't always reach out and connect with my family as often as I should.

4. Knowing that my father is in good health.  That he is happy in his current marriage, and he and his wife are doing well.  There was a moment when his health was at risk.  He went into congestive heart failure and I was worried he wasn't going to survive, but he did.  I'm overjoyed that he found someone to share his life with after my mother, and that he is happy with the life they have created together.

5. Knowing that I can support myself and be an independent person.  I like knowing that I can take care of myself.  With any type of freelance work, there are scary moments when you wonder if you'll make enough to pay the bills, there will always be dry moments where you aren't making as much one month as you did the month before, but to watch myself grow, and see progress, and know that everything I've done to this point is just helping me to expand gives me a sense of accomplishment. 

6. Having friends who put up with me or the lack of me.  I'm always there for my friends.  Any one of them could call me right now, tell me they needed me, and I'd be there for them in a heartbeat.  I'm proud to have friends who understand that right now I'm working on me.  I love them all, but I have to put some things to the side so I can build myself a lasting career.

7. Being able to write, and earn some money while doing it, but really I'm happiest when I'm creating anything (for income or not).  Even if I'm the only one who has read my work, to see something written on paper gives me a sense of pride and fulfillment that I don't get from any other type of work I've ever done.

8. Reading books.  There is something wonderful about escaping into your own imagination through the words of another.  Reading sparks creativity for me.  My writing improves based on the quality of the books I read. 

9. Taking the time to read my favorite books over and over and over again with no interruptions.  There is a reason a book becomes my favorite, and I love to revisit those tales, but I don't always have the time to read.  When I can actually sit down and read a book from cover to cover, with no distractions, does in fact make me happy.

10. The moment when I can write and publish articles on my own site will make me insanely happy.  The idea of not having to look for work, but still be able to produce it, and earn from it, is my ultimate goal.  The majority of those I write for pay me to write content for their sites knowing that they are going to generate income through their advertising, and while I do make money from writing those articles, they make significantly more.  I'm happy to write for anyone who is willing to pay me, but I will be much happier when I'm writing for me, and taking the larger cut of profit for myself.

11. Publishing an article that I worked really hard writing.  Blood, sweat, and tears, these are the tough ones, and there is a sense of elation that comes from finishing a task that feels almost impossible to accomplish.  I'm not always an expert in what I write and that makes those types of articles harder to write.  When I finish writing one of those types of articles, and have been paid for it, not only am I relived but I'm elated that I was able to meet the expectations of the person I was writing the article for in the first place.

12. Learning something new.  I love being challenged.  I like when someone can teach me something I don't know.  Life is a learned experience, and I am grateful for those who give me a fraction of their knowledge.  Who knows, that knowledge could be the piece of the puzzle that helps me accomplish my goals. 

13. Helping someone solve a problem in their life; especially if it’s a problem that has been an issue for a long time.  Not all problems see a resolution.  I feel good when I help someone move past situations that have plagued them for awhile.  There are times when I wish I could do more, but that's not always an option.  I'm happy to do what I can to help.

14. Being given a compliment, particularly when I’m feeling down.  I think giving compliments are one of the nicest things people can do for each other.  It doesn't cost anything to lift someone's spirit.  It's nice to see people being nice to each other.

15. Going for a walk with no destination in mind.  Let's face it, anyone who knows me knows I wander.  I like to put on my walking shoes, step outside, and go in a direction.  I don't always have a clear path in mind.  Sometimes that is the best way for me to be.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Love, You are Always on My Mind and Heart

When I wake up in the morning, my thoughts gradually gather as my dreams slowly seep into the back of my mind. I'm aware in my half sleep state, not yet ready to get out of the warmth and comfort of my bed, but also realizing I'm no longer asleep. I wake up naturally, my body has its own internal clock. Same time every morning, I'm wide awake. Sometimes I try to convince myself I need an extra five minutes of sleep, but the reality is that when I'm awake, I'm awake.
I begin to move, slowly shifting about – I never jump right out of bed, I ease into my morning - the sun shines bright through windows; it's a natural way to wake up. By this time, my roommate has already left for work. The house is quiet and still, until my cats realize I'm up, and then they demand attention. It’s a peaceful beginning to my day.

I stretch, and do the standard morning wake up routine, before I change into my running clothes. I never eat or drink anything before I run. I, like most runners, have experienced side stitches and not eating a meal before exercise helps me prevent them. There are mornings when I don't feel like running, and while I know that running gets me home quicker, I will opt to walk instead. Some mornings my muscles aren't as relaxed, because I slept too hard, and walking becomes the best option.
My neighborhood is fairly active in the mornings. I talk to many of my neighbors as they are getting ready to head into work or take their children to school, before I hit the running trail. They are fairly aware of who I am. They are used to seeing me in my running state, and in my fashion look of the day moments. I have a supportive community of neighbors who understand that I work from home as a writer. I never run far from home, I try to stay in the neighborhood, where I can be seen, and I never run in deserted areas.

When my body has decided I'm done running because it's hungry, that's when I head home to eat. Breakfast is a simple meal. I don't have a ton of time to invest in cooking, and there is a point of no return if I wait too long to eat, where I become impossible to deal with, so I keep my morning meal easy.
When I fire up the computer, I'm pretty much set to start my work day. The first part of my day is on-line. I do my socializing, look through emails, and do whatever research needs to get done before I start writing. When I start writing, I'm off-line, on a word processor where my work can be saved. If the ideas come to me naturally, I will write between six to eight hours a day. There is a point during this time when I stop so I can get a look of the day image for my fashion sites. As soon as I've posted that image, I return to where I left off in my writing. When I am in writing mode, I periodically will check my email, I may even do a little more socializing, but I limit my on-line activity so I can get work done.
Just like in any office, there are certain distractions that when they pop up cause me to lose my focus.  That's why part of my day is spent away from those distractions.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

What Happens When People Open Their Hearts?

Writing Prompt:

On three small, separate scraps of paper, write down one dream you have for your life, the name of someone you love, and one talent you have that you value.

Now shuffle these three pieces of paper and pick one at random. Which one was it?

All people, at some point in their life, have to deal with some form of grief or loss. An accident, an injury, or a random life situation could take away a dream, a person, or a talent from us without warning. Think about what it would be like to lose what is written on that scrap piece of paper. Write down your thoughts. What would your life be like without what is on that scrap piece of paper? How much grief and loss would you experience? How would it compare to losing the other two?