Wednesday, February 18, 2015

When My Heart is Heavy, the Sun Helps Make it Light

I have made many promises to myself over the last year.  For the entirety of the previous year, I was making decisions regarding my future.  All of those promises I made to myself were for the bettering of the person I am; to do things that safely bring me out of my comfort zone.  I resolved to use my words to speak my truth and to take all of the steps necessary towards doing what I have to do to shape the life I hope to lead.

Over the past year I think I've used my words to speak my truth.  I've asked uncomfortable questions.  I can even claim to have made some very bold statements.  Each time I did this, putting myself in the public eye got easier.  Maybe it will always be scary to have my name out there, but at least I am honoring myself and the decisions I've made for my future.

Taking the necessary steps to shape the life I hope to lead is tougher than I had imagined.  There are moments when the fear, and the potential discomfort created by that fear, has me frozen in place.  What happens when you are frozen in place?  You don’t get anywhere.  How am I going to attain my life's goal if I’m not moving forward?  I have to start moving my feet.  I need to be taking regular steps down this path.

We, every single person on this planet, are comprised of pieces.  We are all pieces of the past, pieces of the present, pieces of this and pieces of that. Nobody is a completely whole person free from having ever been cracked.  We have all let someone or something change our shape at some point, alter us for good or bad, and in some cases even break us.  We all have a tiny chink in our armor.  We’ve all, at some point in our existence, had to do our best to pull ourselves up and put ourselves back together.  As individuals, we’ve all grown and expanded over time.  Every single person has a story... something that has molded us into who we are.  We may not feel good about certain situations that have happened to us, and we may even hold on to our stories, using them as a crutch.  That doesn't mean that there is something wrong with us.  Personally, I don't feel that I am so ‘messed up’ from every experience I've had that I can't be loved.  I am human.  I am healing.  I am trying.  These unique pieces, our stories, are what bonds us together, connects us, allows us to understand one another.  We wouldn’t be connecting without these pieces.  We would all just stand around as whole, boring, perfect people with nothing to talk about.