Thursday, August 13, 2015

I Keep My Heart and My Soul and My Spirit Open to Miracles

I'm working hard. That's pretty much the course of my life lately.

60+ hours a week in front of the computer leaves just about enough time in the week to sleep, eat, and occasionally get some chores done. I don't clean as much as I'd like, though dishes, trash, and laundry are taken care of daily. My body aches from sitting for extended amounts of time. I long to own a piece of equipment where I can workout and work at the same time, just to keep my muscles loose. I do take exercise breaks, and that seems to keep the problem at bay. There are days when my eyes burn from constantly looking at the monitor for too many hours. I spend the majority of my day writing followed by programming. My bread and butter, it's how I earn an income.

I'm happy to do the work. Maybe "happy" isn't the right word, but I'm certainly not bitter or angry about the work I do. I'm in the middle of huge projects, and I feel like I'm contributing to something important.

I feel like I'm in the best position to catch the biggest wave of my life. I'm smack-dab in the middle of this huge freelance swell where people are just figuring out there are more ways to earn an income than just traditional corporate work. I am finding more and more places to submit articles for pay, and the rates are more than fair. If I continue working really hard, and keep my focus, then I might not have to work so hard later. A year from now, I'm hoping to be in a very secure position where I don't have to look as hard because clients will be finding me. The time to focus is now.

My social life is suffering. Currently, I am not dating anyone, but there are a couple of guys who would love to change that. They'd be competing with a ghost because I haven't had time to let go of a fragment of the past. I haven't wanted to either. I keep certain memories close. There is always that one person, and he's the measuring stick for every other guy. Right now, no other guy is measuring up, but I'm not looking either.

My refrigerator is in dire need of replenishing. I shop for groceries once a month, and it's that time again. My personal projects are on hold. My home projects are on hold as well. I don't have the time. My mentality is building a business now and worry about the other things later.

I keep telling myself that if I work hard enough, and I build a solid reputation, my freelance career will be a long, beautiful ride.

And if I don't succeed, at least I know I tried. I need to know I gave it my best, and that I committed myself to creating a better life for myself. The reason for not reaching my goals CANNOT be fear, laziness, or wanting to watch more Television. I can't accept that. The pain of that realization would be a hundred times worse than any frustration that any job could impose on me.

Still, sometimes, when I look at the clock and know my friends are gathered somewhere and laughing together, having a good time, I wish I could stop for a moment and just be there with them, enjoying life.

I suppose there'll be time for that later. It's the sacrifice I've made, and I am not unhappy with that decision.

I know someone who's answering machine message closes with, "Make it a great day!"

I LOVE this. "Have a great day" is passive. "Make" is active and puts me in control. The only one responsible for my happiness is me.

No more feeling sorry for myself, cursing the bad things that happened. I am not a passenger in my life. I'm the driver!

Make it a great day!