Friday, January 22, 2016

Oh, the Best Dancers Know What Grace Every Stumble Contains

If you read this blog then you know I write about goals, writing, being busy, and sometimes I write about myself. I like sharing who I am as a person, but I also like talking about opportunities, and really getting everyone to understand that there are more than a few ways to make a life for yourself, especially in this technological age. But life isn't just about work goals, and even I have other goals that involve personal endeavors. I would like to move. I am tired of the desert, and am ready for something new. I want to meet someone. I want to share a life with someone, not necessarily get married, but have someone in my life that I can do stuff with. I want to travel more. I want to learn an instrument. Life is finite, and there are plenty of things I want to do before I die. 

As you can imagine, I am usually working on numerous projects at one time. I have more half finished and quarter finished stories, than I have complete ones. The complete projects are waiting to be edited, which is frustrating because I would like to publish them, but I need to set them aside for a time because they are still too fresh in my mind, and I cannot edit them from a bias perspective. I don't see the flaws or the grammatical errors. Some projects are client projects with deadlines attached. Fortunately, client projects are usually short pieces ranging from three hundred and fifty to four hundred words. I write blog posts and essays for them. To be paid I have to complete each essay, usually a twenty four hour turnaround time, which puts my personal projects on the back burner. This life was my choice, and it can get busy and stressful, but it's the life I want. There are times when I don't get enough sleep because I am in the process and I don't want to stop, and others where I force myself to shut down because my flow is gone.

I am a motivated person, and that does matter because my schedule can get tight when I have too many projects, or I have to find new writing opportunities when the job boards slowdown. I am motivated because I am responsible for my success. I don't have an abundance of time to fool around because my paycheck is determined by the effort I put into my work. When I worked in a corporate setting, I was guaranteed a paycheck just for showing up. It wasn't the biggest paycheck, depending on which corporation I was working for at the time, but it was still a paycheck. Now that I work for myself, I have to hustle to make sure the money is still coming in. This is the life of an entrepreneur. 

I am focused and I don't have time for a lot of distractions, but that doesn't mean that I don't want some distraction. When I am working, I get lost in whatever it is I am working on at the time, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss people, friends, family, or that I have even dismissed the idea of getting involved in a relationship. There are sacrifices you make when you are trying to build your work up, but that doesn't mean you go without forever, or that you even stop thinking about what you want your future to look like. When it comes to relationships I have a bit of a commitment phobia, blame it on getting divorced, but that doesn't mean I can't commit or that I won't be in a relationship in the future. I can attest to the fact that I am a shameless flirt. When a guy flirts with me, I will flirt back. When I develop real feelings for a guy, I usually tell him I have those feelings, and then I tell him to stay away from me. I don't like feeling pressured to be in a relationship, and with guys I like, I tend to be different. I don't treat them the same as other guys. I am more cautious around them. I don't fall in love easily, or even into lust, so when I do, I feel vulnerable, and that scares me.

Wanting to move is the biggest reason why I am not currently dating. I really don't want to get attached to a person living in a place where I don't want to live. If I get involved with a guy here, I'll end up staying here, and that is not a goal for me. I am ready to leave the desert life behind. I will not get involved in any 'official' relationship until I decide on where I want to live. Owning a house is an issue because I have to make a choice as to what I do with the house.

Right now, I get energy from my work. When I am in a flow, I don't notice the things I am missing. I am not even thinking about those things - with the exception of when I am writing something romantic - because my writing distracts me. I often work long, full days, because I don't have a partner to take half the workload off me. Even so, I believe in taking care of yourself, which is why I devote time to working out, I put on nice clothes for fashion pictures, and I do take vacations away from my home and computer. I find time in my day for personal care and development, but most of the hours in my day are devoted to work, whether it be for a client or myself.  I'm getting faster at what I do, because the more you do something, the better and faster you get at it.

I absolutely love what I do. I don’t just kind of sort of love it. I really, really love what I do. I don’t just love writing; I love the entire creative process that goes along with it. Writing is something I want to do all the time, even during my free time (which is why I am always writing in my notebooks). Maybe I am just making up for all the years where I put my writing to the side while I worked for someone else, but I have never gotten bored of writing.

Sometimes I do wish for a supportive partner, a person I can talk about my ideas with, mainly in those moments when the words aren't coming as easily, or I am stuck on an idea and I need some guidance as to how to develop certain scenarios. Someone to edit my work because their perspective is fresh and they realize the potential of getting a piece out in the public eye. Someone who can keep me on track, and in the right frame of mind. Sometimes, even I get lazy, and while I do have goals, sometimes I feel like the only thing I do is write. There are things I miss about being in a relationship, sharing is one of them.

Even on my own, I still manage to be extremely productive. I know this is mostly because of the choices I make about how I spend my time. Writing is a lonely process, and I do require a greater amount of space and quiet time when I am in a writing flow. 

Warning for the next blog post, I have some jewelry samples from Star Harvest Jewelry, and I need to write a piece on those pieces. It will be sponsored.